Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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