So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
