you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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