i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
