alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
