your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
