Christians are straight up FREAKS
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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