WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
