Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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