I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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