look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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