If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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