The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
