i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
