why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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