the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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