i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
