Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
