So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
How's work?
Spinning.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
