Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
