Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
