There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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