A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I did not marry a roomba.
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