Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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