Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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