3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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