its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
