i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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