Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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