What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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