Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
