Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
