and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
