In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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