I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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