whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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