I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
