I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
