How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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