that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he puts the penis in happiness.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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