I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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