My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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