real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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