Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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