I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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