If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
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