they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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