take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
