You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Dicks are not precious.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
