I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
