I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
