Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Randomize
