So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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